Walking Through September: Healing After Loss and Suicide
Every September, the air feels heavy. The 10th marks Suicide Awareness Day, but for me, the following week is filled with painful anniversaries. Within just a few days, I lost three people I loved:
A coworker on September 11
My father on September 14
My ex-husband to suicide on September 15
For years, this week pulled me under like a relentless tide. I didn’t know how to face so much loss in such a short span of time. But through deep inner work and the willingness to feel my grief without judgment, I’ve learned how to carry these memories with both sorrow and love.
The Turning Point
Each loss was unique, but losing my ex-husband to suicide was the moment that changed everything. Suicide loss is unlike any other. It’s filled with unanswered questions, waves of guilt, shame, blame and a mix of other emotions.
His loss became a major turning point in my life. It forced me to face my grief which ultimately led to discovering my calling. I realized how isolating grief can feel and I didn’t want anyone else to go through it alone. I first got certified as a grief coach then went on to get certified as a shamanic energy healer, transforming my pain into love which is the path for helping others.
Allowing Grief Without Judgment
For a long time, I tried to ignore my emotions leading up to that week in September. I pretended to look busy, was distracted, and isolated. But grief doesn’t disappear when ignored. It shows up in exhaustion, irritability and a lack of joy.
My healing began when I gave myself permission to feel it all – sadness, anger, blame, longing, and even a sprinkle of moments of joy. I stopped judging and suppressing my grief and started honoring it. That shift changed everything for me.
Now, when these anniversaries arrive, I plan ahead to prepare myself emotionally, which translates into giving myself the space to allow whatever emotions I’m feeling to surface. You have to feel it to heal it. Some days are heavy, while others are lighter. Both are valid. Both are part of being human. It’s ok to not be ok some days.
Rituals That Carry Me
To move through this tender week, I’ve created rituals of remembrance that ground me and honor the love that still exists:
Lighting candles: I often visit a church to light a candle for each loved one, say a few prayers and catch them up on what’s been going on in my life.
Sharing stories with my son: We belly laugh and remember the best parts of his father and my parents together. We express gratitude for all that they’ve taught us.
Letter writing: Still today, I write a letter to express and release any unresolved emotions that remain, and then I burn the letter for additional release.
Walking in nature: This is the most important ritual for me. I feel very connected when I’m outdoors. It is a reminder that even in grief, beauty and renewal are possible.
These small practices don’t erase the pain, but they transform it into connection and meaning.
Why Suicide Awareness Matters
Suicide Awareness Month isn’t only about remembering those we’ve lost. It’s about breaking the silence and stigma. Too many people today struggle in silence, feel shame, believe they’re a burden or that no one will understand why they feel the way they do.
By speaking openly about my own experience, I hope to remind others: you are not alone and support is available. Awareness creates compassion, and compassion saves lives.
Choosing Healing, Again and Again
Healing from grief doesn’t have a finish line. It’s a daily choice of rituals that keep me moving forward with love, especially in September. I choose to honor my grief and my loved ones. I choose to keep living fully. And I choose to walk alongside others as they navigate their own losses.
If you’re facing painful anniversaries or walking through the shadows of suicide loss, please know this: you don’t “get over it” but rather learn to live with your loss, while honoring your loved one and allowing the love to shine brighter than pain.
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About Carol
Carol Mortarotti is a certified grief coach and shamanic energy healer. Through talk therapy and various healing methodologies such as journeying, energy clearing, and connecting with loved ones, Carol helps people find peace, reconnect with themselves, and return to a life they love. 💜 If you’re navigating grief and longing for support, book a complimentary call. Carol will help you explore where you’re at now and create gentle next steps toward healing. Learn more: www.TalkwithCarol.com
